Just a reminder in case you needed this today: “NO” is a complete sentence, and it is totally and completely (more than) OK to say. In fact, I’d argue it’s essential to your well-being.
Saying ‘no’ often feels scary and hard for many people, especially those who identify as high-achieving, ambitious Type-A people-pleasers.
We’re afraid to say ‘no’ so much that we often say things like “Well, I couldn’t say ‘no’!” Baloney! You absolutely can and should say ‘no’ sometimes.
That’s because saying ‘no’ is important and powerful for LOTS of reasons. I’ll list 7 of them below, which is not nearly all of them, but it’s a good start to get the conversation going!
1 – If you’re used to always saying ‘yes’ to virtually everything, even simply having the desire to say ‘no’ means you’ve come closer to understanding who you are, what you do/don’t like, and having/voicing opinions. In contrast to just ‘sucking it up’ and making yourself fit into expectations, you are now developing your own worldview and your voice is beginning to more fully express itself, demanding to be heard.
2 – When you’ve recognized ‘no’ is a possibility (though possibly very scary answer), you’ve identified that you have a choice in the situation and maybe you come to realize that you also possess the power needed to follow through on actually saying ‘no’
3 – And if you don’t have that power yet, practice recognizing these urges to say ‘no’ more and more because as you begin to say ‘no’ to what’s not right for you, you begin to take more power back for yourself which in turn allows you to build up more and more of the courage needed to continue exercising your innate right to say ‘no’ as much as needed
4 – When you say ‘no’ to what you DON’T want, you make more space for saying ‘yes’ to what you DO want
5 – Other people’s emotional states are not your responsibility. Yes, we should treat each other with kindness and respect, but you have no obligation to do anything simply to appease them. If you standing up for what feels most true for you is upsetting to them, then that’s theirs to work through
6 – Naturally, the same goes for us, too. Meaning if we start saying ‘no’ to others in an effort to live better, happier lives, we begin to give others permission to do the same, which results in more enriching, honest, quality relationships based in truth, not lies and dread and secrets.
7 – Saying ‘no’ asks you to work through your ‘stuff’ meaning: rather than saying ‘yes’ to avoid discomfort or awkward/difficult conversations, saying ‘no’ asks you to address the underlying issue(s) behind why you feel a need to say ‘yes’ and agree to something when at your core it’s clearly a big ‘no’
I would love to keep this ‘no’ train going! Send any of your other thoughts my way 🙂
You’ve got this. <3
As always, feel free to share this with anyone who may find it helpful, and I look forward to hearing how it helps you.
P.S. If you need some help with this (or other related topics) and are interested in possibly working together, comment below or click the ‘Contact’ link above, and let’s get talkin’!