Happy Love Day!
I know days like these are days that can vary widely in how we spend them, but I wanted to send a message that will reach you, no matter where you’re at on your love journey.
Keep in mind, the point of these emails isn’t to force my opinions on you, but to allow you to read what I’ve shared, and then ask yourself what is true for you. It’s equally valuable if you walk away clearer on your truth because you disagreed with me as if you agreed with me.
A few thoughts I have about love – feel free to savor what feels true to you + leave behind what doesn’t <3
1. The true essence of ‘love’ is a verb, not a noun
2. Love involves giving AND receiving – it’s not a one-way street
3. Love can be expressed + shown not only to others, but first + foremost to ourselves – we cannot give from an empty cup + we tend to treat others as we treat ourselves
4. Love doesn’t look any one way for everyone, so it’s up to you to decide what feels most loving and true for you
5. If you feel like there is zero love in your life, start by creating it for yourself – this doesn’t mean you can’t ever desire or enjoy or expect to be loved by another ever again; it just means you enter that relationship from a place of being filled up, enhancing your life, rather than clinging on for dear life, feeling empty, needy, and desperate
6. Heartbreak hurts. A lot. But that doesn’t mean love isn’t worth it (A little piece I wrote about heartbreak, and while it’s not about love with a human, it’s about risking + losing love </3)
7. Love isn’t always the easiest choice. Sometimes, we’d rather be right than be loving; it’s up to you to decide
8. Love sometimes means saying ‘no’ when you’d normally say ‘yes’ or saying ‘yes’ when you’d normally say ‘no’ (setting boundaries + establishing respect, yet also choosing to take risks, go on adventures, and try new things)
9. Love should never be about compromising who you are – your morals, values, character, joy, truth, etc. – it is a meeting of two unique souls who find a way to fit their edges together, not asking the other to change or be someone else for them; if you’re not happy with who your partner is, at his/her core, it is better to end things than to expect them to become someone they’re not vice versa (eventually, the masks will come off on one or both sides…)
10. To have had a ‘successful love’ does not mean you must live happily ever after together. Every relationship – romantic or otherwise – teaches us something, about ourselves, others, the world, life… Recognize that you can end a relationship without equating it to failure.
11. Relationships (including our sex lives) require work. Just because it feels ‘natural’ doesn’t mean they don’t require effort put forth. Just like our health, which is also said to be ‘natural’, that doesn’t mean we don’t need to spend any time devoted to maintaining or improving it.
12. Love for yourself is an act of deep compassion; it does not need to be a vain or selfish act – it is an allowing of all the parts of you to exist, a recognition of your imperfections + humanity, that we all share + could use some love rather than shame
13. Love because you want to or feel called to from deep within, not because you seek validation or expect something in return for it – it will likely leave you feeling resentful, imbalanced, and under-appreciated
14. Things don’t need to be perfect to be loved – yourself, your partner, your life… The act of love is the ability to acknowledge + embrace the reality you’re faced with in each moment, and to still say yes, to still have faith, to see the bigger picture. It doesn’t mean ‘settling’ but it does mean recognizing that there is no ‘perfect’ version of you or your partner out there – to embrace love is to embrace our humanity
15. Some of us didn’t grow up learning healthy forms of love. We were taught that abuse (emotional, verbal, physical/sexual, etc.) or other painful / traumatizing experiences are expressions of love. Know that it’s never too late to learn a new way to love, a way that feels nourishing, safe, + true to you.
And of course:
You get to define what love means for you. Always. Every time.
You’ve got this. <3
As always, feel free to share this with anyone who may find it helpful, and I look forward to hearing how it helps you.
Hugs + Love to you <3
P.S. If you need some help with this (or other related topics) and are interested in possibly working together, leave a comment below or click ‘Contact’ above, and let’s get talkin’!