“How can I be sure this will work?”

 

Many of us think this way.

We realize we are ready for something different, for change.

Our current reality, while manageable, just feels like so much less than what we truly came here for.

And yet…

I hear the yearning. The desire. The calling. The heart’s cry. The readiness, but…

so many of us are afraid to TRULY exercise our faith muscles. We’d much rather have ‘certainty’ with every step we take.

And yet, none of us ever have true certainty, regardless of which path we walk along…

We hold onto this illusion that ‘taking a leap’ should be this beautiful, magical, Hollywood-movie ending. 

Where the person risks it all for a dream, and it (mostly) seamlessly has the perfect happy outcome.

We see that + get inspired! Like “YES! Time to follow my dreams! Let’s go!”

And then… the momentum dies. We freak out. We think about all the scary things that could go wrong.

But the thing about leaps, is that if they are coming from your heart, if they are calling you to them (rather than you creating something to be called by)…

they will give you whatever it is you NEED, which does not always necessarily reflect what you want and think you need.

I’ll share my own personal ‘leap’ story. (This is the “CliffsNotes” version, or else we’ll be here all day.)

Quitting my job was not part of some logical, sequential, perfectly-laid-out plan.

At the time, I felt an undeniable calling + signs to take the leap I had been considering taking. The nudges become more + more potent, to the point of becoming physical.

I wavered… because for me, at the time, it made no real ‘logical’ or ‘practical’ sense to leave, but it became clear I needed to follow my heart, which would lead me to….

falling head first into my darkest, deepest depths.

Yep. You heard that right.

I didn’t quit my job + forevermore feel free + joyous + have a major world impact on day one + suddenly make a million bucks + get everything I thought I needed + wanted. Boom! Happy ending…

Instead, my life, my identity, my worldview, and many of my relationships… fell apart, dissolving into an unrecognizable pile of mush.

The very things I thought I knew so well crumbled right before my eyes.

Who was I?
What was the point of this all?
Who actually loves me for me?
Do I love me for me?
How much do other people’s opinions of me matter?
Who can hold space for my truth to coexist with theirs, even if they don’t agree?
Why do I feel a relentless need to be my own worst critic?
How much space can I make for fear + uncertainty + putting myself out there?
Do I truly believe that I can create meaningful, deep success + impact on the world on my own terms?
Or am I only able to create the success that others ask of me?
How brave AM I?

Things of that nature…

It was during this time that I experienced some of the most painful moments of my life thus far.

Not because of leaping itself, but because that leap put me in direct confrontation with beliefs + feelings I had about myself + the world around me. I could no longer ignore what I felt deep down inside.

It brought up beliefs and feelings about worthiness, approval, belonging, success, love, friendship, honesty, authenticity, and on + on….

My leap did not cause those beliefs + feelings to exist, rather it brought them to the surface.

Living in an uninspiring, monotonous, exhausting, day-to-day routine allowed me to blame my chronic sense of ‘meh’ (yes, definitely a technical term) + a deeper underlying sense of misery, on things outside of myself.

Of course I feel that way, it’s my job. Or this person. Or this location. Or this project. Or the commute. WHATEVER it is.

When we live in this state, we often forget to question the deeper issues. We focus on these surface-level things and leap from one to the next.Apartment, relationship, job, city… hoping that it will be THERE that we finally find satisfaction.

In taking the leap based on the clear calling I felt, I had to believe it would largely lead to good things, or else I probably wouldn’t have taken it…

It was most definitely a critical turning point on my journey.

It took me falling flat on my face + facing my biggest, scariest demons, to recognize that ‘this’ is not the magical solution either (nothing is!). That it’s OK that things don’t go according to plan.

By that, I mean that I learned that I need to create what I want for myself, no matter WHAT I do in my life. That wherever I go, there I am.

That there is no ‘magic pill’ in finding your purpose.

Yes, it lights me up to do this work 1000%, and I can feel it in my bones that this is what I’m meant to be doing at this time

AND

regardless of what path my life or career takes in the future, what I know is that listening to these heart callings + fully surrendering to what it is that I’m meant to learn along the way is the only way I can continue to grow and build a greater capacity for love, joy, honesty, vulnerability…. to life a full life for ME.

It’s not so much the specifics of the job you take or the person you date, or the city you live in.  Sure, that can influence it, but it’s not the end-all-be-all.

It’s more influenced by the motivation behind the leap, the detachment from outcome, the willingness to put in the work and witness ALL of you along the way, even the parts you feel ashamed of or darkness that you didn’t know lives within you. (p.s. we all have darkness inside of us, it’s ok <3) It’s learning to TRULY stop pointing the finger outward.

The heart of the journey lies in what we do along the way, regardless of whether or not we get the outcome we had hoped. How to do we live through the crap + make it through to the other side?

Perhaps you needed an epic failure in one thing in order to learn what you needed for the next chapter of your journey.

My leap career-wise, which I know is similar for many others who have ‘leapt’ in meaningful ways, brought to the surface an ‘outbreak’ of a deeper underlying chronic dissatisfaction with myself + my life.

And in order to get better, I had to leap. For me, it wasn’t going to happen in my cubicle. (Though for some, it will!)

I had to be thrown into the fertile void of the ‘unknown’, of the ‘I have zero idea how this will all turn out’, of the ‘I have no idea how others will receive me when I share my authentic truth with them + the world’…

BUT THAT WAS THE POINT OF THE LEAP.

I REPEAT.

THAT WAS THE POINT OF THE LEAP.

Sure, at the time, I did not recognize that, just as I could not recognize just how unwell I was, just how much pain I was holding onto, just how much I needed to address the voices I’d spent years silencing…

But now, I can say with much more clarity, that this leap has allowed me to see myself so much more clearly, intimately, and deeply than I ever had before.

My life is not perfect. It’s not always easy. I cry. I get angry. Things can be hard. I mess up. I have fear.

AND

I feel so much more empowered in all of these things.

Rather than pointing the finger out into the world, blaming whatever… my professor, my boss, ‘the corporate world’, coaching, whatever!…

I get to address the deeper root of it all.

And then, from that place, decide what the next move is. From that place, from the acceptance of where I am, what am I being called to next?

The leap is about surrendering. It’s surrendering control. 

We’ve all been taught that we can control so much, when in reality, we cannot.

Scary + freeing at the same time.

As with surrender, we cannot only ‘half surrender’. We cannot surrender to one thing with the idea that we’ll control the other.

It is a full-fledged trusting that your wings will fly. That at first, they may not carry you to the moon + back. That you may have a couple of pit stops in less-than-desirable places before you’re capable of getting to where you’d like to go or where you’re eventually headed to. But instead, we never take flight or turn around at the first sight of things not going according to plan…

So many of us are afraid of humiliation, of ‘failure’, of things not going perfectly, so we settle for mundane dissatisfaction, convincing ourselves it’s better than living a full life.

And you CAN take a leap in your current job or relationship or whatever. That’s not the point. I’m not saying we all have to go quit our current lives. Rather, we need to follow the leaps that are meant for us.

Sometimes the greatest leaps are in STAYING and figuring out how to show up differently, how to have courageous conversations to change things, how to treat yourself + others with more love.

I am definitely not telling you exactly what your leap should look like (aka a ‘real leap’ means leaving your partner, quitting your job, having a baby, etc.) – rather I am inviting you into a space of trusting yourself + the Divine. A space of self-knowing. A space of living life with the understanding that nothing is certain, and acting from that place.

We often look to others to ensure it will be OK, to tell us what to do, to reassure us that we will succeed…

when perhaps what we need is someone to tell us that the calling of our heart matters + whether or not it ‘succeeds’ as we think it should isn’t the point. That ‘picture-perfect success’ and ‘things being OK’ aren’t one and the same.

Life is not just a lily pad of one success to the next, sometimes we NEED to ‘fail’ + fall flat on our face to REALLY learn + REALLY grow.

Not just to obtain our next ‘thing’ or prove ourselves yet again to the world…

but to give, to be, to LIVE.

You’ve got this. <3

As always, feel free to share this with anyone who may find it helpful, and I look forward to hearing how it helps you.



Hugs,
Ryann


P.S. If you need some help with this (or other related topics) and are interested in possibly working together, leave a comment below or hit ‘Contact’ above, and let’s get talkin’!