First of all: I want you to know that wherever you are on your journey right now, you are doing great. I am so proud of you. You are enough, and you have done enough, no matter what you did or didn’t check off your ‘to do’ list or what anyone else says.
Thank you for showing up. Thank you for being a part of this community. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with me. It means the world to me that you want to take this wild ride together, standing side-by-side.
That being said, I would like to mention something that has come up recently for me as well as with many others I’ve spoken with, is how sometimes it feels as though you’re being ‘haunted’ by the very things you thought you had already ‘moved past’ or ‘dealt with’ in your life.
I know this because I’m right there with you.
Often times, we like to believe our emotional, personal growth, life journeys are linear, meaning that we get to pick our ‘thing’ to work on, move to a better place with it, and then put it on the shelf of ‘Fears, Anxieties, Anger, Pain, and Other Undesirable Feelings Successfully Conquered’ never to be revisited again, and move onto the next thing or relax back into the routine.
But…that’s not really how that works. And that’s OK. And even though I know all of that intellectually, it doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes still struggle to welcome that shit back with open arms. And sometimes it feels like I’m already working through so much other stuff in my life that I ‘don’t have time’ or the energy to ‘deal with’ this. I hear you.
Let’s be honest, while most of us would prefer to deal with these darker things at a ‘better’ time than ‘now’ (and let’s be honest: ‘now’ – no matter when you ask – is never going to be a good time).
Darkness exists in all of us, but as humans, we like to pretend it doesn’t. So darkness is often left to find its own way into your mind and heart space; for many of us, if it’s ever to be heard or given attention, it must speak up loudly.
But please know that if you’re facing something you thought you had already ‘conquered’, don’t beat yourself up. You haven’t done anything wrong. Instead, let’s honor the fact that you can recognize when it is back and see it as separate from who you are; then, let’s make space for it.
It is so important to make space in our lives not only for the light + joy, but for the painful, dark stuff that no one wants to deal with.
Yes, light + joy are lovely, and of course, feel great, and many of us invite them in (and seek them out) as much as possible. But it’s equally important to make space for what is typically less welcome, and welcome it sometimes.
Let it have a seat at the table, pay attention to it, ask it why it has come back to visit you, and I promise you’ll learn a thing or two. It’s not showing up just by chance.
Something has triggered this ‘thing’ to resurface from the depths of your ‘shelves’, and maybe you don’t know why and it’s likely not showing up in the way or at the time you’d prefer it to, but sometimes that’s how it goes – giving it attention again, at a deeper level, differently…in whatever way it needs to be addressed.
Just like a toddler poking you, you may not want to ‘give in’ to their pokes and listen, so you ignore it. And maybe ignoring sort of works sometimes, but pretending they’re not there doesn’t mean they’ll just disappear and never return again in the future.
And ignoring doesn’t always mean the poking will necessarily stop. If something/someone wants to get your attention badly enough, they can be relentless and resort to bigger, louder, more extreme forms in order to get it. This can be the same case with these darker feelings + shadows.
So if something is ‘poking’ at your mind and causing you pain or distress, give yourself permission to ‘cave in’ early. Sit with it NOW. Ask it what it has to say, and be open to learning from it, but also know that after all of that, you can exercise your discernment and personal power to do so, and still NOT let it lead or control your life.
And once you’ve given it the time to tell you why it stopped by, you are free show it to the door and move forward with this new information in the way that feels best and most true to you. You don’t need to let it become a permanent house guest, but rather a visitor who stops by from time to time, sometimes for a few days, other times for longer. Sometimes frequently, while other times, years or decades may pass between visits.
I have much more I want to say on this, and I will, but for now, consider this a reminder that, as I always say – you’ve got this. <3
Feel free to share this with anyone who may find it helpful, and I look forward to hearing how it helps you.
P.S. If you need some help with this (or other related topics) and are interested in possibly working together, comment below or click the ‘Contact’ link above, and let’s get talkin’!