I was sitting down writing a post (not this one, I’ll share the other one another day when that is the message that needs to be shared 🙂), and ‘Cosmic Love’ by Florence + the Machine came on. Normally, in the past, when a song I liked or connected with came on, I would just dance in my chair or sing along.
This morning, I felt really strongly called to get up and dance. So I did. In the past I would’ve dismissed this idea as silly, but I decided to accept the invitation from the music to get off my chair and MOVE.
I’ve been practicing connecting more and more with my intuition, trusting those impulses that seemingly come out of nowhere, so I got up and danced.
Sometimes with my eyes closed. Sometimes open. Sometimes my feet planted firmly on the ground, other times up in the air.
I recently got into dancing at home (and sometimes in classes) as a form of freeing, reconnecting, and most of all remembering.
Remembering that I know exactly what I need. That when my body yearns to move, that I need to honor it. That when it needs to rest, I need to honor it. That when the movement needs to be gentle or silly or intense or sad or very little movement at all, that this is OK. This is an expression of my emotion and my energy. Allowing it without judgment allows my body to flow. To release and remember my true essence.
I first learned about the idea that ‘Through movement, we remember’ from Rochelle Schieck in her amazing gift and life’s work of Qoya, that was introduced to me last year, and that I finally got the courage to try for the first time earlier this year.
In this brief dance of only a few minutes today, the dancing felt so freaking good, and I thought ‘why did I ever NOT dance?’ And I began to remember.
I remembered that when I was a girl, it was implied to me that I should avoid my feminine, that masculine was superior. That I had to play sports because the dance classes and other more girly things I enjoyed were not good enough.
They were meant for less powerful women who *couldn’t* play the sports. That my choices were based in proving that I COULD keep up and meet the intensity with my own intensity. That hustle was the only way through. That there is always a winner and a loser; that it is impossible for more than one person to ever *win* at the same time.
Through dancing I also remembered that I am FIERCELY F***ING FEMININE. That it is one the most powerful things I can be. That as a woman, my femininity is not always about being gentle, and it can be even more inherently powerful and freeing for me than my masculinity is. Of course, balance between the two is important, and we all have our own definition of what that looks like, but for most of my life, masculinity was the ONLY mode in which I operated.
My life became a series of achievements and being very, very aware of what needed to happen for other people to be impressed or think I was normal or beautiful or smart or whatever flavor the desire was in a given moment.
I was not open to receiving. Instead, I always had to provide and create and be the one giving and never taking or accepting; admitting I needed something would mean I was lacking in some way.
I ignored my intuitive impulses, those gut feelings and those nudges that seemingly come out of nowhere. Instead, I placed trust in others over trust in myself and always needed *evidence* or *rational logic* to guide me.
I was the duck on the water, trying to keep calm up top but paddling like hell beneath to keep up the illusion that staying on top of everything was easy and fun for me. That I was effortlessly perfect. (Let’s just LOL at that for a second because…really, Ryann?)
Dance for me in the past was less of a way to express and yet another way to impress. To attract people. To dance ‘normally’. To fit in. To avoid attracting the attention I neither wanted nor believed I deserved. I didn’t get what people meant when they said that they expressed their feelings through their movement.
Huh?! The fuhhhh?? Feelings are in your mind, not your body…
Oh boy, was I sorely mistaken.
I was so disconnected with and shamed about my body. I lived from the neck up like many of us do in this age of intellectual prowess being valued above all else.
What I didn’t realize was that my emotions totally lived and existed in my body, but realizing that would mean I had to connect to her. To acknowledge her presence. To admit that she was wise. To be willing to actually look at her and accept her rather than looking at her simply to see what needed to be fixed. It was a one-way dialogue, and I was the only one with room to speak.
I never let her talk to me. I never allowed myself to be the student and not the teacher. I was never willing to admit that she was amazing and beautiful and so great, that I was incredibly lucky to have her. She waited patiently for many years for a chance to speak, for when I was finally ready to listen because I finally got tired of doing all the talking and was ready to try something different.
God, 3 minutes of dancing to Flo, and I feel more fierce than I would have after 3 minutes of many other more rigid forms of movement that I used to force myself to do all the time. That I know for sure.
I’m curious – what helps you remember? What helps you connect with that body wisdom? Or perhaps what types of movement or expression have you always wanted to look into, that you’ve always had an interest in but haven’t yet tried out?
It’s all about finding what’s right for you, so try to keep it playful and fun. It may take a couple of tries before you find something you really connect with <3
As always, if you’re interested in exploring this more, don’t hesitate to contact me or check out my ‘Work With Me’ pages for more information!